Clip

I can't beleive this was on Jeopardy...

http://koutuk.blogspot.com/2006/11/whats-ho.html

cuz i do

ever wanna hit someone in the back of the head?
i mean, really, REALLY hit them.
and while doing it, yelling, "YOU are SUCH an IDIOT!!!!!"

yeah, i do. remember i said that in the title? cuz i said it. and i do. you can probly see it. just look up.

Guess what... X gonna give it to ya.

so for SOME reason, i decided to put this song on my mp3 player the other day. i have NO clue why.
X gonna give it to ya - DMX
ok. i don't listen to much rap. but whatever. as i listen to this song on the bus, i'm bustin a gut. here is how the song starts.
--------------
arf arf
ya ugh, ya.. ya ugh
*growling*
yeah don't get it twisted, this rap is mine
*growling*

what you heard is what you hearin'
it's what you hearin' - listen
it's what you hearin' - LISTEN
it's what you hearin' - LISTEN!!

chorus 1
X gonna give it to ya
ugh
He gonna give it to ya
X gonna give it to ya
WHAT?
He gonna give it to ya
-----------------
ok...this guy has a serious problem. him and Little John... or Li'l Jon, or whatever.
lil jon - snap yo fingers
"snap you fingers, do ya step.
you can do it all by yoself. lemme see ya do it.
EH!!"
then later
"wwwwWHAT???
eeeeYEAH!!
WHAT??"
----------------are these guys hard of hearin'? lil jon is NOT canadian.
rappers talk in the third person. but at least they're IN the room. DMX is comin' sometime LATER. i mean, he's GONNA give it to ya.
and the tellin me what i already know. please, tell me some more. "what you heard is what you're hearing"?
i could make a song.
easy.
what you read, is what you're readin'
wwwWHAT??
you can do it all by yourself, lemme see you do it
EH!!!

it's like having a conversation with a child. "eat your peas. lemme see you do it. i have something for. i'm gonna give it to ya. Deacon's gonna give it to ya." kid's like, "what? just GIVE it to me" your like, "what sound does a dog make?" kid - *growling*

...stupid

Subway Mouse

So today was a good day. i saw and experienced many strange and aweful things. i decided to carry pen and paper with me so i could keep track of everything, to be able to write on this... well, i had paper, no PEN! RAAAGH! do you KNOW how frustrating that is? you have the desire, the WISH to write something down; for years, CENTURIES, man has been putting things on paper... or at least chisel some stone... AND I DON'T HAVE A PEN!!!! not even a dirty spoon. ANYTHING!

it was horrible. i had to remember.

so my day goes as such...
i'm at the bloor/young station, waiting for the subway. trying not make eye contact with ANYONE. hey, I'M not the freak. you are... it's the subway rush, so i'm in a crowd. i look down at the tracks and see a mouse. then i see more. they are everywhere. hiding. one'll run out then run back.
i think i'm the only one that sees them. so i look at the people standing next to me. it's all women, and a man with earings. ALL, i wanna do is say, "hey, look at those dirty rats." - hoping that someone screams and fall on the tracks and get electricuted. maybe the earring-man.
then i see a mouse run over to another mouse (we'll call this one stephanie), the first mouse is movin around then stops at steph. steph does not move. stephanie is dead. what's the first mouse thinking? where they friends? did they KNOW each other?
"hey, hey bud. hey. guess what... a woman fell on the TRACKS... bud? s-stephanie? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
which would sound alot like,
"sqwee, squee sque. squee. ski squee.. sk-skwisquee sa swa skwik squee... sque? s-stephanie?
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"

so i'm climbin a ladder to clean the windows at some lady's house today. when i get there, i find i'm at the bathroom, RIGHT across from the mirror. so i made faces at myself.
and they will NEVER know. i have defiled their mirror. i bet NOONE has done that to that mirror, but ME. HAHA

from now on "Depeche Mode", will be said in a french accent.
De pish mmoud

i'm on the subway. the train is stopping to pick up a crowd. there is a crazy man with his thumb stuck out.

turkeys

Turkeys do not look like this







They look like THIS!


what the hell IS that??
i mean, LOOK at it. it doesn't have a beak.
i'll try and make it bigger. one sec.





bad quality. whatever.
it's brain is OUTSIDE it's skull!
so what happened that we started eating these? did one just pop out of a bush one day and a pilgrem (we'll call him stephanie) said, "HOLY CRAP! my EYES! ugh... mmm looks tasty."
he brought it back to the camp, and a guy said, "hey steph, look out! there's a mangled dog next to you! ... and it's feathery... what is that?"
"no no... we're gonna EAT it."
"gobble gobble"
"AAH"
"what did it say?"
"it said SHOOT ME NOW!"
"gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble"
"AH. get the indians."

who grows up as a normal child, goes to school, graduates, and when asked what he's gonna DO with his life, he says, "i'm gonna grow TURKEYS, and supply everyone with turkey dinners. i wanna feed 'em, and take care of 'em, and pet 'em, and then KILL THEM!!"
yeah i'd wanna kill em too. but i couldn't spend my life with them. "nope. nope. I'M not goin' outside. i ain't lookin at those UGLY B**TARDS no more!"
--WHY, does it's head LOOK like that? with it's evil eye. turkeys are evil.

here are some more turkeys. "here pretty bird. prettybird prettybird."

ok...

so i have to start carrying a paper and pen around, cuz i keep getting these good ideas to write about, but i forget them all. so that means that all the thoughts that i've forgotten will be missed out on by the world.
my arm is in something sticky. what IS it?? eew. dried-up glass bottom droppings.

my child snorts when she cries.

why do the gilmore girls hurt my head.

i want a Wii. if you don't know what a Wii is, google it. ... .....sorry, i shouldn't have said "google it". i hate it when people say that. "hey, just google it, dude." ..."HEY, just ...you... um" ok my insults aren't working today. i can't think.

hey, hey. i just figured something out. one of my brothers' name is Logan Day. i'm gonna call him Day-Lo.
get it?
like J-Lo?
ugh... i reaching.

men who dress in peach, are self absorbed.
men who dress in pink... look dumb.
i wear neither. but still look dumb and am self absorbed.

i wish i had a large peice of nougat. i love nougat. and it's white. so i must love all things white.

Barrie

ugh.
i have to go to barrie today. and it's SATURDAY!!
the guy i was workin for called me yesterday and told me not to bother comin up cuz it was rainin. so now, i have to go get my gear cuz i'm not workin with him this week.
gonna cost me 2 bus rides, like 40 bucks... and why is the music i'm listenin to CRAP!!??!?

ok better.

music, cold, wheel

haha i just saw a woman running in the rain. you suck. get an umbrella.

know when you geta song in your head? like, i don't mean, a nice memory. i mean 17 FREAKIN HOURS!!
ya, isn't that annoying?
maybe if you like the song or if it's someon..... na. it always sucks. you always end up hating the song after.
well. last night my bro and i were talking about a song. what song?? who was it????

...
WEIRD AL!!
...
GET OUT OF MY HEAD WEIRD AL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you're not funny after the 30th time.
so now that i'm a nerd for actually KNOWING his lyrics, i'm gonna go eat a bottle of aspirin.
------------------------------------
so i have a cold... or maybe a deadly virus where my sinus is gonna blow up, and i'm gonna cough up one end of my large intestine. cuz that's what it feels like. hey, you never know in toronto. you lick one subway rail and you get sick. geez
anyway. so i go buy "medication". i got NeoCitrin. i get the citrin part. but what the hell does Neo mean?? i've been racking my brain. they better not mean new... as in, New Citrus. cuz if this is the new lemon, take it back. it sucks. you have to put it in water. it looks milky but the milk was bad and it went all flaky. mmmmmedication
NeoCitrin costs 10 bucks for the box. box of 10. math... a buck a peice. i feel like i'm prepaying for my future coffees. i got up this morning and wanted a coffee. then i remembered my new lemons. but i was kinda conflicted. i mean, my JAR of coffee was only 5 bucks. that's like 50 coffees. i can't even DO that math! that's AWESOME!
coffee = 10 cents
neoblah blah= 1 dollar
if i drink it i might be wasting my 1 dollar right? anyway i'm sick so it's not a waste. if i drink when i'm NOT sick it's a waste.
oh, and if you get NeoCitrin, look out for the packaging. it's like they packaged it for safari.
slogan - "Every cup wrapped in a sheet in Tin!"... KNIVES can't pentrate this stuff. i'm there struggling on the floor, my foot on my head, using my teeth AND a knife!

...who has a cold and goes on safari? give all the africans a cold. "here, have THIS. now dieing of aids will be fun!"
how do you spell "dieing"? is that right?
diing
dying...
speaking of dieing, have you seen Vanna White? Give her a CANE!! help her OUT, PAT! she can only push those letters so long.
soon she be coming on the show with a walker and a red silk throw-shawl thing. i mean, gotta look GOOD, right?
actually she used to TURN the letters. now it's all digital. she just touches them. i've seen the letter flick on before she actually gets to them.
how's THAT for the ego? what message are they giving her? "we don't ACTUALLY need you. we have a younger girl up in the BOOTH doing it" - we'll call this girl Stephanie.
do Vanna and Stepahanie fight?
Stephanie will never fill Vanna's shoes. cuz they're ORTHOPEDIC!!
Vanna needs a high arch.

New Baby Pics!!

NOT GOOD ICE CREAM!

ashaya says, get some ice cream.
so i go to the store, and i look around for the one she wants. it's not there. i'm glad. i ate too much of that kind when i was younger, now it makes me wanna vomit to think of it.
...kinda like Rosie O'Donnell
i've had WAY to much of her and i wanna vomit when i think of her.

SO
i find this , what i would assume, awesome flavour.
see, i like caramel
i like cashews.
why not have them together in one super-jumbo, mammoth-awesome, super-fantastic... FLAVOUR??
well, they made it but it sucks.
!!!WARNING!!! --- it's called Caramel Cashew.
how easy was it to come up with THAT name? i wanna meet the guy that thinks this kinda stuff up. "you got you got vanilla and cherries? i call it Vanilla Cherry Ice Cream. you got blackberries and cheesecake? i call it Blackberry Cheesecake Ice Cream. you got honey and dijon? i call it Honey Dijon Ice Cream."

what i'm gettin at is that i don't like that kind. i shoulda got Chocolate Cherry. cuz i like BOTH THOSE. how bad could it be, eh?
-------------------------------------------------
so i came up with this awesome... well, funny, name for my business.
actually i just have the abbreveation.
i call it
ME
i don't know what that is. Maintenance E????? Maritime E?????? M????? Enviromental???????
i don't know. anyway. i figure it's funny.
what's better than when someone says to someone else, "hey, who does your WINDOWS!??!" ...they say, "ME"
or
who's your contractor? me
i could put decals on my van. ME
my shirt could say ME, my hat, ME
then, later, when ME is big, i start a new company called, Im
the slogan would say, "Im part of ME"
HAHAHAHAHA
then, i get together with another guy and start US
"ME a division of US"
ya i could go on forever.
my baby is crying, bye